Patience of the Patient

THE PATIENCE OF THE PATIENT

by Larry Webster

Once upon a time, long long ago and far far away in the year of our Lord somewhere around January 2016 I woke up with a stiff neck. The kind where you can’t turn your head for a week. Over the next 8 weeks I developed a slight balance problem. It looked like I was drunk when I walked, (no wonder my family never noticed). Also a tingling and numbness in both my arms and hands. An MRI revealed a bulging disc at my C-7 vertebrae. Medicated I waited 12 months before seeing my Primary on August 8, 2017. Thus began my marriage to the medical profession.

My Primary referred me to Pain Management for a series of injections. They assured me they honored my insurance, however, they sent my urine specimen to an out of network lab. My insurance’s E.O.B. said I owed the provider $10,000, giving, “pissed off” an entirely new meaning.

Onto the Neurologist who diagnosed neuropathy in both arms and hands caused by moderate carpal tunnel. He referred me to a Neurosurgeon who observed my balance by having me walk with outstretched hands while closing my eyes. Of course I nearly fell down. He asked if I smoked...yes, he asked if I consumed alcohol...yes then said there is nothing I can do. Do yourself a favor, quit smoking, quit drinking and call me in 6 months. I guess he’s never heard of the Hippocratic oath.

My next Neurosurgeon was awesome. He was the first to order a new MRI since the first which was a year old. It showed a movement of the vertebrae. He said I could wake up after Surgery and be 100 o/o; he didn’t know. He only guaranteed my neck would no longer hurt. After a painful 8 weeks that part was true.

Onto the hand specialist for carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists. Four weeks later I am currently on the mend. Oh yea, preceding all this I had elective toe surgery...OW

Meanwhile the balance issue persisted, bewildering my entire medical team. My new Ear, Nose & Throat specialist revealed moderate hearing loss and displaced crystals in my inner ear. Balance exercises consisting of standing on my head, rolling to the right, rolling to the left and hearing aids seem to be doing the trick for these ailments.

Larry after carpal tunnel surgery with his wrist in a box

Thousands of dollars later, 5 surgeries under anesthesia and 3 months off work I am looking forward to 2018 as the Bionic Mailman.

In closing I would like to share with you the following ditty:

🎶 After the ball was over Larry went into cry

Put his false teeth in water

Didn’t have hair to dry

Placed his hearing aids in the corner

Let his glasses fall

I wouldn’t want to see Larry after the ball🎶