White Water Rafting | weavetheweb

White Water Rafting, Lost Purses,

and Helping Others

by Nicole Jardim -Written when Haden lived in Montenegro

Last weekend the boy and I went white water rafting in the most northern part of Montenegro, where he happens to be living these days. The rivers in this part of the world are practically the same turquoise color as the sea in the Caribbean, where I’m from. Yup, I’m a mermaid, from the sea. No not really, I’m from Antigua…but close enough!

To return to Nicole's homepage, click HERE.

Anyway, I digress. You’re probably wondering what white water rafting and lost purses have to do with each other right? Well, not much, except that I happened to leave mine in a restaurant on our way out of town to go home and didn’t realize until 2 hours into the drive. Did I mention it was a 3 hour drive? Shit. After 5 minutes of cussing and freaking out, my much calmer other half told me to call the hotel where we’d stayed and ask them for the name of the restaurant. Of course all I could think about was the fact that I had both our passports, my precious iphone and my very full wallet (okay not that full, but you know what I mean!) in that damn purse. My immediate response to him was “and then what will we do!?” He was like,” just call!”

So I called. After explaining my situation to the guy who answered the phone, he asked me a question I wasn’t expecting.

He said, “Where are you going to right now?”

At first I was like huh? Then I said, “I’m going to Podgorica.” (that’s the capital of Montenegro)

He then said, “Well I’m about to leave here to go there too so I’ll go find your bag and bring it to you.”

Wait, wha wha what? In a movie this is where you hear those screeching brake sounds! I don’t know about you but I live in New York City, and people do not even make those offers, much less act on them!

I actually had to tell him to hold on a sec while I asked Haden (yes, the boy has a name) if this guy’s crazy suggestion was for real. He was like “That’s a perfect plan!”

By then I was in full-on panic mode. Not only was my bag sitting in some restaurant 3 hours away, but I was now going to trust some random dude to go get it and bring it to me? Haden tried to calm me down by explaining that it’s totally normal here for people to do this. In a country where the average income is 300 euros a month, people don’t have money to use Fedex! They just ask the bus driver to deliver it instead. Wow, what a sense of community. This is how I grew up too…how far I had strayed from my roots.

The random dude’s name was Matija and he drove to our place and dropped off my bag! I started to offer him money for helping me out and he put his hands up defensively and backed away! Another shocker. He said there was no way he could take money for helping someone out. Wow wow.

This whole thing really got me thinking. When did we collectively become so jaded and distrustful? When did we stop doing things for people just for the sake of helping another person – and not for some personal gain, financial or otherwise. Why is there always an agenda! It occurred to me that while I always help my friends and family in any way I can, I am much more hesitant to help someone I have no connection to. With that said, I have dedicated my life to helping women heal their health problems but that comes with financial gain – usually! 🙂 I do however get an insane amount of satisfaction and feel-goodness from what I do so I know that counts for something!

Studies show that when people help other people (just out of the goodness of their hearts), levels of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, increase in their bodies. It actually makes them happier and gives them a sense of purpose. If Madija had taken money from me it would have canceled all those good feelings out! It goes back to the general idea in our society that happiness comes about from getting things for yourself, when paradoxically, it is actually attained by giving more of yourself without promise of personal gain. A nice message in a culture where the opposite is the norm right?

Study after study continues to show that empathy, compassion and the desire to help others is innate. As humans, our natural inclination is to be a part of a community, especially a community that cares about every person who is part of it. So here’s what to do. Go volunteer somewhere, anywhere. Help a friend or a stranger out, donate your belongings or services, spend your money on someone else, celebrate someone else’s success. You get the idea. Just remember to be purposeful about it 🙂