In Giving, We Received

By Nancy Webster Ware

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It had been a long time in the making. Two years ago, as we contemplated having Thanksgiving all by ourselves, Loren suggested, “Why don’t we look in to inviting a few veterans who may not have a home to go to for Thanksgiving. I liked the idea, and began with a call to the VA Hospital in town. The woman was very pleasant, but had never heard of such a thing, and told me that she would have the Director of Patient Care give me a call. I waited a couple of weeks, and called again. This time I was given the Director’s number. I called and left a message. The long and short of it was that after four or five unsuccessful phone calls and one visit out to the VA hospital, we came up empty. In retrospect, it makes sense. Veterans in the VA hospital are not feeling very well, and probably wouldn’t want to or possibly be able to go to someone’s house for a big meal.

But the idea persisted, and this year I called an organization called Swords to Plowshares which is a wonderful group that aids veterans with housing, rehab, legal and medical issues, job placement and much more. They were intrigued with the idea and asked us to come down to talk to them. We passed the interview, and we were delighted to hear that we would be having four Vietnam Era Veterans as our guests.

There was a lot of excitement as well as a little trepidation. Mel and Dave Hickman were going to join us, and they were psyched that it had worked out. We planned a delicious dinner of turkey and ham and Mel was going to bake her famous pumpkin and apple pies. But what would it be like? What if they didn’t way anything? What if they didn’t like us? What if no one really wanted to come and the Swords to Plowshares had to coerce four people to satisfy the whims of a kind elderly couple? But when they arrived at our door all my fears were dissapated. Here were four beautifully dressed gentlemen. They had obviously taken care to wear their "Sunday Best."

AsI greeted them, they handed me a card.

I opened it and it read “Thank you for

Sharing your Home,” and each of the guys had signed it with a little note to us. They were so friendly and set a tone of joy from the moment they entered our house.

One of my first questions was, “How did you get here?” We knew they lived on Treasure Island and there is no direct route on public transportation. They explained that they took a bus to Howard Street, then walked over and got a Mission bus. When they got to 24th Street, they knew they could get another bus, but it was getting a bit late, so they hailed a cab. “We didn’t want to be late for this occasion,” George explained.

Both George and William had been in the army, while John was a photographer for the Marines. William talked about when he returned home from Vietnam and how difficult it was for him to get a job, many of his would-be employers saying, “We don’t hire Baby-killers here.” We all commented how we learned from the Vietnam War. Now, people who might be opposed to the war itself, are not anti-veterans. We talked about the young vets who they are mentoring, and how they don’t listen to the old guard very much. “But we didn’t listen to our elders much either,” quipped William.

We were about to have our first course, so I said, “I don’t know if any of you guys smoke, but we’re about to have our soup so now would be a good time to take a cigarette break if you would like.” “Oh that would be great,” they all said as a chorus. They had had a cigarette just before knocking because they weren’t sure if they could smoke. So they all went out on the back porch accompanied by Dave.

I have never had such amazing appreciation for a meal. They loved it all and ate with gusto. When John saw the pumpkin pie his eyes lit up. He had a big piece with spoonfuls of whipped cream on top. When I asked him if he would like another piece he said, “If I said ‘No’ that would be a bold faced lie!”

At one point I was in the kitchen alone when John came out. He took my hands in his and looking straight into my eyes he said, “I have something I want to tell you. I have something I need to tell you. I have been on vacation for a long time.”

I looked at him quizzically not quite understanding what he was trying to tell me.

“I have been in prison for twenty-five years. I got a life-sentence for murder, but was let out four months ago.”

My breath caught in my throat, as I watched John’s eyes fill with tears.

“I just want you to know how much it means to me to be invited in to your home. The last time I had Thanksgiving in a home I was eight years old.”

“Wow,” I said, as I put my arms around him. “I am so happy you are here.”

We found out that John was the oldest of seven siblings. When his father left the family when he was eight, his mother, who was an alcoholic, said, “John, you are now the man of the house.” That was when John took his first drink.

George and William also had done battle with drugs and alcohol. William had been in and out of rehab, “but I’m at Treasure Island with Swords to Plowshares now, and I am going to stay there.”

At one point, we asked how they were chosen to be our guests. They said the Director had asked them personally. John said, “when she asked if I wanted to go, I told her ‘No.’ I was afraid of being with people in the outside world,”

“But I told him, ‘John, I’m going, and you’re coming with me!’” said George with a laugh.

None of us wanted the day to end. As it got dark, we filled some pie tins with leftovers, and Loren volunteered to drive them back over the bridge to home.

I feel as if we have made a connection with these wonderful people. If possible, I would love to invite them back next Thanksgiving. I baked some Christmas cookies for each of them and delivered them to Treasure Island. And we have received two cards from John thanking us.

One says:

“You’ll never know the inner peace

you’ve placed in my heart.

You’re all so very special people.

My love and respect, your friend, John.

And on the Christmas card he sent us he said:

Thank you so much for letting me see

and feel how a family interacts. The special

feelings I felt made me know what freedom

really is! That day, my friends, was and is

the most special event of my life!

For the first time in my life

I felt really wanted.

My love and respect, John.

This was a life-altering experience for us. What so impressed me was how such a small act of kindness can have such a profound effect on someone. It is very clear that it was meaningful to George, John and William, but it was incredibly important to Mel, Dave, Loren and me. It was definitely a two-way street and we give thanks to these three remarkable people for making it a Thanksgiving we shall never forget.