Weave the Web

at all.  I really do trust that you know what is best for you and will make those decisions that are right for you.  But I can’t help considering the choices you are faced with and play them around in my own mind and it has been quite a bumpy road through my own mind as to what I hope the outcome will be.

 

I am obviously talking about the huge choice between Berkeley and Annapolis.  You couldn’t have a more disparate or schizophrenia choice.  Annapolis is the bastion of the status quo known for its conservative stance and rigorous adherence to the establishment and authority.  It is successful because of a strict set of does and discipline that mess of its organization pledge themselves to following.  Berkeley, on the other hand, is known for its rebellion to those established ideals or at least the questioning and testing the them.  The liberal Berkeley stance encourages its members to defy, protest, and suspect the current theories and philosophies and to create or try out new models to se if there is something better that could replace the existing models.

 

And then there is Haden Webster Ware… You have lived a somewhat charmed life with a few obstacles to overcome, but generally a rich full, and somewhat easy life thus far.  You have found that, by the dint of your essence, you have been able to be quite successful.  I guess I am implying that this success has come with relatively little effort.  Your are a very good looking human being which has brought you “fans” ever since you were little.  And more intriguing, you have a certain magnetism that makes you a leader in whatever aren you engage yourself.  It happened in Montessori at a very early age, and more recently you can look at the example of The San Francisco Day School.  You came to SFDS for only one year and yet, every early into the beginning the September when you started, you became the hub of that class and turned it around from  a fairly fragmented group of kids to a much more cohesive and positive group.  Your father says you have done the same thing at BB&N and your football coach old that you were the essence of that team.  (Perhaps one of the reasons your team did not do as well as expected this year is that your spirit was not there playing on that field and lending inspiration to your teammates.)  And then there was that award you won as a junior which was given because you embodied the spirit of the school.  I don’t pretend to understand this intangible quality that you have, but I do know that it is there.  It has something to do with your acceptance of others regardless of their place or class in the larger society and your wonderful ability to share ourself with others without expecting anything in return.  You are a very good person, Haden;   people recognize this and like being around you.

 

Another common thread that has run throughout your short career as a student has been such comments as, “Haden needs to be more focus if he is to reach is full potential.” or, “Haden is inconsistent;  when he is on, he is terrific, but too often he lets things lag and then his work suffers.”  There are so many comments along the way that express the frustration with your inconsistent effort and the resulting up and down achievement you have had all throughout your school years.

 

I don’t pretend really to know you;  after all, I have not been around you very much for the past four years.  However, I think you might agree with me when I say that you have lacked focus and have not worked as hard as you could have and that your up and down grades do not reflect what you are really capable of doing.  You now seem to have a real interest or maybe passion with the affairs of the Ex-Soviet Union and seem truly interested in learning more about that nation and where they are going.  I have not seen that kind of interest before in your studies.  You have not seemed to be very “academic” and there has not seemed to be any one discipline that has intrigued you.  You are a b=fabulous writer, and insightful thinker, and your aptitude in mathematics has been proven on standardized tests, but I don’t see any real direction or avid interest in any one area.

 

If this assessment of you is anyway near correct, that does it portend for the future?  It is this question that I have been rolling around in my mind =lately.  You know my view of the military.  Actually, I know very little about the military but I am a pacifist and firmly believe that love is stronger than hate and that was is perhaps the greatest horror that humans can engage in.  I have also pondered the question of what if Clinton were to cut the defense budget so drastically to enfeeble our huge military force and I envision Hussein taking over the Middle East and the chaotic, evil forces in the world becoming stronger than the rational, positive forces of this world.  That is a horrible thought, so I guess with that in mind, I do see the need for our military.  Putting aside my prejudices of the military organization, I have come to understand why Annapolis might be a very excellent choice for you.  The army motto of “Be All That You Can Be,” is quite alluring. (** In transposing this letter thirty years later, I am struck by this obvious error. The motto of the U.S. Navy is Semper Fortis which translates as “always strong.” but the army motto suits this letter better!!)  You are a fantastic person, Haden, but I strongly feel that you haven’t even begun to se your potential.  Annapolis would demand that you push yourself to be your very best.  You would not be allowed the inconsistencies you have shown in the past.  They would provide the structured environment without distractions and I think a taste of this kind of focussed life could possibly amaze you.  You have been blessed by “The Gods” having unbelievable gifts, strengths, and powerful qualities of mind, body, and spirit.  If you were shown a way to actualize these gifts, really investigate them, and “be all that you can be: it could make a profound difference, to only to you but to your world.

 

I also understand what your commitment to Annapolis would mean to your future.  You spoke this summer about how your peers have always seemed to pay the system, trying to succeed and go up the right ladder of success only to find there is yet another ladder to climb.  Gong through the whole nine yards at Annapolis would guarantee that you had all the choices that you would want.  It is, in essence, the end of the climb; the top of the ladder.

 

That brings me to the Berkeley choice.  You certainly could succeed at Berkeley in much the same way that you have succeeded up to this point.  I predict that you would, once again, be valued for your charisma.  you would shine on the crew team and you would have an up and down academic career perhaps planning your course load on the path of least resistance.  Because Berkeley is so eclectic, I think it is very possible that you will get through it not really knowing what it is you want to do.  Certainly you will have to climb some of the rungs of that proverbial ladder, but I am not at all convinced you will be any where near the top; and what happens if you graduate, after four years, and you find yourself somewhere on the ladder in the middle of a rung that you weren’t too sure you even wanted to climb?  You could end up where you see some of your peers right now, have to keep climbing on the way to “success” and wondering why you’re even on the particular ladder you’re on.  There are many opportunities for you to wander off the ladder at Berkeley - certainly far more that at Annapolis.  The coveted freedom you would have at Berkeley might be a temptation for you to slide by, to rest or to compromise the excellence that could be yours; whereas, at Annapolis, the system provides the discipline and focus.

 

Does any of this make any sense to you?  I would love to hear your response to this letter.  The thought I have expressed here have been mulling over in my mind for a very long time and I find myself even a little surprised at my thinking process.  I will certainly support whatever decision you make and realized very clearly that it is not mine to make, but totally yours.  Both schools are considered among the best in the country.  Your future life will be very different based on the decision you make - an awesome prospect.  Your father and I, from your very earliest first days of life, have marveled at your and only wanted that you be the best possible Haden Webster Ware that you could be.  When you have to actually make the choice between Berkeley and Annapolis, I guess all I would want you to ask is, which institution will allow you to do just that.

 

I think I will end here.  I love you very, very much my dear Haden, and I wish you  a fabulous eighteenth birthday.  It is very apt that society counts you as fully an adult i that you are now able to vote as well as serve our county in the military.  (Don’t forget to register both for the draft as well as to vote!!)

 

XXOO Mom