So This is My Life

by Sydney Evelyn Price

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“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

Sydney has been accepted into Texas Tech, the Red Raiders, her first and only college choice. She will be headed to Lubbock, TX in the fall of 2013, home of Buddy Holly, to begin a new adventure studying business and prelaw. She will say good-bye to the capital city of Texas and be introduced to tumbleweeds, cotton fields, and oil drills, but as always, embrace her sense of independence. The following is her college essay.

“So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and still trying to figure out how that could be.”

This is a quote from one of my favorite books, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, who has impacted my life in such a significant way. Since grade school, I have always found myself to be on the outside looking in. I remember wanting so badly to fit in and to be accepted. When I finally believed that I was in with the “popular crowd,” I was mocked and harassed about the way I wore my hair or the clothes that I wore. Through the following years, I struggled with trying to find who I was and where I belonged in the world.

Freshman year, my parents got a divorce and I was faced with many family issues that truly tested my strength and malleable nature. I found myself moving through the same motions but not truly living in life.

My memory of discovering Chbosky’s book is hazy, perhaps because the book found me, but either way his wisdom-filled pages have danced in my mind since, like a beautifully written song that has bonded with my mind. The protagonist, Charlie, is an adolescent boy who finds himself alone and confused on social expectations. Charlie finds two friends who accept him for who he is in his entirety. With a realistic setting and plot, I found myself so connected to this character that I instantly began associating myself with him. Charlie’s innocence and vulnerability allowed him to see and process the world as it comes; he is a wallflower. Similar to Charlie, I was always told that I should be grateful for all that I have instead of being worried about my issues. Chbosky wrote “even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.” This wide-eyed view of the world allowed me to acknowledge that although my problems, were minor in retrospect, they were major to me. I was finally able to accept my anger and raw emotions toward my adolescent problems and make steps to move forward in my life.

I have repeatedly found myself fighting for happiness and trying to rid myself from the feeling of hopelessness. Chbosky’s story helped me understand that I don’t need to be completely happy or even happy consistently to be myself. I just need to live each moment and take the bad with the good. As for the “friends” who put themselves above me, and for my old self who stuck around, Chbosky wrote, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Although my “friends” were wrong in their actions, I was wrong for my undying effort to continue to be their friends, and I learned that I deserve much better in friendship and in life.

To parallel Charlie’s relationships with his friends, I have my brother who is everything I hope to find in a best friend. I know he will love me nomatter my actions or opinions and will accept me for who I am. That is the love I know I deserve. “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” With one of the most meaningful quotes from the book, I have learned that where I am and how I’m feeling is okay. There is not a right

or wrong way to take life’s hiccups or surprises, and learning this has made me a better person. This book showed me that life doesn’t stop for anyone, and the best way to move forward is to roll with the punches and to grow. Stephen Chbosky’s words have moved me in a way that everyone hopes to be moved at least once in their life.